Gaining Clarity

I’ve had to take an extra step back from everything the last couple of days. The cramps are coming and going, and are pretty intense at times. This is bringing up the fear from last pregnancy, when unfortunately there was also bleeding a couple of times.

So right now, it’s a case of taking my foot of the gas, and just sitting with any fear that comes up. Reminding myself that this is a different pregnancy, a different person in there and a different birth story is being written.

Meanwhile, I still feel a little in limbo-land. Trying to just rest and relax into this waiting/resting period (which is fun when patience is not something that comes so easy!); without trying to bullishly push ahead in this new (old) direction.

Right now, I feel something is missing and I’m trying to brainstorm ways to fill that gap. Firstly, I don’t really have many around me who I can talk about the spiritual side of my life with now – and who are at a similar stage in life. Im looking for people I can be authentic with.

Secondly, my daughter is similar to me some ways personality-wise (stubborn), but totally not in others – she already enjoys being sociable and around people (she certainly didn’t get that off me or her dad!!). She gets to go to the local baby-toddler group every so often, but since getting out and about is so damn exhausting for me at the moment, we don’t really see other babies & mamas; and certainly not ones who wanna talk about transitioning from Maiden to Mother or the next leg of the journey on their life purpose…

I suspect this has something to do with where I am going. As I like to plan, therefore my plan right now is to find these sorts of people, and also to keep writing. Many years ago, I connected with the spirit of my daughter in meditation (we’re of the thinking that this baby is also a girl so im not sure which one if so!); she told me to KEEP WRITING. Damn wise child, should’ve listened.

Things to do: step back and be open to gaining clarity.

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